A well wisher who doesn’t believe in me is never a well wisher.

A well wisher who doesn’t believe in me is never a well wisher.

Imagine there is a aunt of mine who thinks that she is a wellwisher of mine.

I go and tell her that I am planning to start a business and she suggests me not to do that because she thinks I am incapable of doing business

I go and tell her that I am in love with a guy and she warns me not to commit. Because she thinks I cannot choose right people.

In this way, her belief always counteracts my desires and goals. She thinks she is only warning.

But any human thinks that he/she is correct. As a result, shee will keep believing that she is correct. I.e., I am dumb.

Any human actions depends on what he/she believes, but not on what he/she wants to do or says that he/she will do. Even though this aunt desires to benefit me, says that she would benefit me, all her actions will be directed in such a way that she could prove that I am dumb. Unknowingly also, she might wish to prove that I am dumb. That is what can harm me.

Enemy who has trust will harm less than friend/relative who doesn’t have trust!

I definitely believe in super-consciousness and collective consciousness!

I definitely believe in super-consciousness and collective consciousness!

We all humans share physical experiences. I.e., all humans react in same manner to certain stimulating events. All humans get burned by fire. All humans get frozen by ice. All humans get wet by water. Etc. All humans get infected with diseases.

Physical basis of these experiences is body and it is made of/from DNA. So, I can say, we humans share physical experiences because we all are made of same material, that is DNA.

But how come we are able to share psychological experiences? What is that we all possess in common?

I used to get a dream of loosing teeth when I was child. After studying psychology I figured that many people who has body image issues get same dream of loosing teeth.

Recently a question popped up in my mind. How come people who never talked to each other are getting same kind of dream? That too not a direct one. A dream that has symbolic meaning!

Nobody taught me that teeth represents beauty of body. So definitely its not conditioning that is happening at large scale. It is something more than that.

This phenomenon makes me think that there is some invisible / hidden thing that we all humans share. It is also possible that we all are connected to each other through that. Is that collective unconscious? Super consciousness?

What happens when invisible thing becomes visible? Can a person connect to all other people through it? Is that what mythological heroes did?

While thinking about all this, I also got another question in mind. Is it like I got insights now at personal experience level about what I read about Carl Jungs theories? Will have to read those theories again to figure out.

Growing is the only way to prevent extinction!

Growing is the only way to prevent extinction!

Something that is stagnant has to die one day. Whatever it is! Only way to protect its existence is to grow but not to fight with death. Fighting with death is exhausting, impulse driven and instinctual act. But growing is natural, objective and flourishing experience that in turn fights with death in the background beautifully! However, desire to grow has to be pure. It should not be used as an alternative form of instinct to fight the death!

The story of my impulsivity and blame games

The story of my impulsivity and blame games

It is easy for anyone to understand about shades of a victim in them. However, its very difficult to understand , accept, acknowledge and change the negative shades. As per my understanding, that happens not because people are bad or something. It happens just because, abuser shades hide deeply inside the core of a person. A person who is more self aware will automatically turn into a good person.

I can divide my self awareness journey into 3 phases. Now I can see phases, but I couldn’t see anything back then. There was no distinction between phases. I was even not able to measure my transformation. During phase 1 I dealt with my anxiety and its symptoms. I also learned different perspectives about my family, relationships, career, etc. That helped me in connecting to people and becoming functional.

I didn’t understand how and when I entered phase 2. During phase 2, I realized that I also played role of a physical and emotional abuser. I was abusive towards my family members, especially towards my mother, for many times. Since I learned techniques to show self compassion towards me in the 1st phase, I didn’t feel self hatred or guilt after knowing that I played a abuser role. That helped me in dissecting my own abuser role and learning so many things about me during that process. There were also people, like my counsellors, friends, family members, etc who blamed me and made me feel guilty during that phase. People who judge and criticize can only help a person in understanding about what is happening. But they cannot facilitate change. Half of my energy used to get drained in dealing with criticism and another half used to get drained during process of gaining self awareness. One thing that helped me in changing myself is my self love.

I had difficulty in making decisions right from my childhood and I realized that only in phase 2 of self awareness journey. During childhood, there were many instances where I made decisions by randomly picking chits.

No human being can make perfect choices. That is because, it is impossible to predict outcomes of a choice and it is impossible to decide whether a choice is perfect or not without knowing its outcomes / results / consequences / repercussions. For example, when I chose a place to set my office, invested money on renovating the place and established it, I was not aware of consequences. Because of COVID crisis I had to close office. But can I say that my decision was wrong back then? No! We can neither call any decision right nor wrong. Decision is just a decision and it can either turn out to be a good one or a bad one.

But, I learned all this only during phase 2. During my childhood and also during my adolescence, I used to be very obsessed while making decisions. I used to bother too much to make right decisions.

Difficulty in making decisions was the root cause of my impulsivity and abusive nature. I was impulsive and abusive in all situations where there was uncertainty and need of making decisions. For example, I shouted on my mother and blamed her every time after making each of my life decisions like choosing career, relationship, etc. I cannot say that there were no flaws in parenting. My family members were overprotective and very critical about all my decisions. But I always had a choice of reacting in other way to whatever things she or any of my family members did to me when I was a child. I also used to behave impulsively. I did rash driving many times and met with accidents two to three times.

I could not stop my impulsivity even when I tried hard to control myself during my childhood. But after I figured out root cause, I could bring drastic changes in my patterns. Now also I cannot say that magic happened and I completely got transformed, but I can say that I am very very less impulsive when compared to earlier version of me. I can make decisions without any confusions and take responsibility of consequences now. Sometimes I make wrong choices and sometimes I make right choices. But I know the fact that consequences add labels to decisions. That is why it is impossible for anyone to make ‘right’ decisions. I learned ways to deal with consequences of my wrong decisions. This whole process empowered me and helped me in forming healthy relations with others.

What we all need to develop in us is creativity, but not talent. Creativity is imagination that has no boundaries, where as, talent is a standardized measure. When we keep our abilities in a structured form and start expecting that they will have to match with standardized measure, two things happen. 1. Anxiety builds 2. Creativity dies. Leaving behind creativity and looking for talent is like searching for a flower and ignoring bunch of seeds that can help us in growing garden of flowers.

I have great admiration for Sakinala Savitramma garu, founder of @telanganapindivantalu not only because she is a great entrepreneur at age of around 75 but also because she broke many stereotypes by proving that 1. Age is not a barrier, 2. We don’t need any background support like wealth or influence to establish our identity, 3. Only an idea can make anyone an entrepreneur at any age in any circumstance 4. We only need people who trust and encourage us in the initial phase as emotional support.

Accidentally met her and feeling so happy for that!

#telanganapindivantalu

Never compromise for anyone! Because when you compromise,  you will start asking that person to give you something that can compensate what you lost for him/her!. You don’t like the fact that you have expectations and you will go into denial. Your stubbornness is less harmful to that person than your pressure/expectation/denial!