TS of Conflict

TS of Conflict

When one person or both the persons who are in conflict believe that what they think is universally right, conflict never ends!

There can’t be 2 universal rights. Either one of them has to be wrong.

Or, there is another possibility. Each one of them can be thinking about right, which is a universal truth in any one particular type of situation, where as other one’s right is another universal truth in another situation.

Not fighting also can be considered as fight sometimes!

Not fighting also can be considered as fight sometimes!

Straight forward fight cannot be considered as a fight sometimes when it happens between 2 people who has different strengths!

In such cases, not fighting also can be considered as fight !

Fight is a procedure that involves following steps

1. Identifying injustice

2. Temporarily moving away from injustice

3. Recovering and healing

4. Empowering self

5. Acting against injustice

In this process, person raises from a point of ‘taking revenge’ to a point where he is not bothered about what happened to him, but only bothered about problem! In the process, he also gains strength equal to the one who caused the problem!

“The only thing I know, is that I know nothing.”


How come a person, who believed that he knew nothing is condered as one of the most wisest Philosophers of all times ? Socrates used only questioning method to understand the World. His method of Socratic questioning is being used by Psychologists even today! Is it true that we, all humans know nothing ? How come Socratic questioning method is able to shake anyone’s beliefs ? Both positive and negative experiences teach us many lessons. Whenever we learn a lesson, we believe in it. Negative experiences like – being victim of abuse makes us believe that the World is unfair. Positive experiences like – academic achievements, etc makes us believe in luck or hardwork. However, how can we make sure that we are able to see the real impact of an event ? I.e., What if our assumptions, perceptions, understandings, learnings, etc are all biased? There is a small invisible line between knowing something and SINKING IN. Meaning of “Knowing” is understanding something. Where as, “SINKING IN” is REALLY understanding something. The line that separates them is Objectivity. Sink In means – fully knowing, feeling, understanding, absorbing and experiencing something. When we form conclusions about various positive and negative elements in our life, we understand them from a superficial level. We don’t allow them to SINK IN. That is the reason why, we form subjective conclusions, but not the objective ones. That is why, what Socrates said is true… We know nothing ! Counseling or Person Centered Teaching helps clients in SINKING IN! We, founders of PSINK IN created the name by adding P to the word SINK IN. P represents Psychology. The name explains what any client can get from PSINK IN. That is nothing but “The real, experiencial understanding of things”.

I realized, it is true that nobody is open to listen to what I am saying !

It is also true that everyone is open to listen to what I am saying!

Key is, I should be able to identify when a person is open to listen and tell him/her what I want to say at that point of time!

I realized that, (1) strongly holding on to an option just because it is something that I chose in the past or (2) confidently or strongly holding on to an option (3) holding on to it because already made investment, all the above 3 reasons doesn’t help me in actually choosing right option!

Right option is something that I can choose again and again!

I didn’t become a Psychologist! I just figured that I am a Psychologist!

I didn’t become a Psychologist! I just figured that I am a Psychologist!

No one can become Psychologist by studying or by getting a degree. Any human being, by making attempts to understand himself / herself and by learning how to empathize with self Undergoes transformation that automatically leads Him or her too A place where He or she becomes capable of helping others by understanding and empathizing with them

I felt like doing a masters in psychology when I was almost

Parents break child’s identity into pieces when they don’t know how to handle mistakes.

Parents break child’s identity into pieces when they don’t know how to handle mistakes.

Children take risks and learn different processes. Some children take bigger risks like jumping from height, fighting with teachers / friends, copying etc. Where as other children take smaller risks like cycling,  playing, dancing, not listening to class etc.

It is common that they face adverse consequences ranging between getting suspended from school to breaking their own bones. Sometimes parents get blamed by society for the risky acts done by their children.

Biggest mistake that parents commit is, instead of teaching children how to take calculated risks, or take decisions based on ethical values, they try to completely shut the risk taking behavior of their children by punishing, criticizing and blaming.

When they do that, identity of child gets broken into pieces. Child’s life ceases then and there after loosing a method that he/she previously used to experiment and learn new things.

What children need from parents is not safety. Children need opportunity to do mistakes. Parents need to learn how to deal with adverse consequences of children’s mistakes. That is how they can empower children.

The thieves of identity

The thieves of identity

More the envy they feel about someone, more are the chances that they will choose that person as victim. They love and get attracted to the vulnerability.

They don’t have identity of their own. So they always tend to copy others. After absorbing identity of victim, they leave victim in a place where they initially were! I.e., in identity crisis.

They start imitating or following victim and show off their devotion, as if they really have admiration for victim. Then they feel the competition. They decide that they have to destroy the source of their identity, i.e., person whom they are copying, so that they can feel like only one unique person (even though they are not). They don’t like sharing identity with the true owner of the identity.

They start attacking the victim, by blaming, shaming and humiliating. They make victim feel that he/she did something wrong. They establish themselves successfully. They act like sugar cane machines by breaking, straining and squeezing the victim’s identity. They leave nothing!

When victim tries to resist, they also strengthen themselves by using another victim as their agent. They attack the resisting kind of victim by taking help of another victim, who becomes their weapon blindly. Their weapons are their victims and their victims are their weapons.

Each victim completely believes in the theif. So victims live in a belief thet they are doing right thing by supporting the theif. Often, victims are kept in a illusion that the theif is in another victim’s control.

After repeated attacks, the direct ones and indirect ones, i.e., through other victims, theives succeed in doing exchange of personalities. They gain unique authentic personality from victim and by exchanging their own void like personality with victim.

Victims keep fighting among themselves. Each victim struggles because of identity crisis. But fails in identifying the process that she/he have undergone. Victim fails in recognizing the contribution of theif.

They emotionally manipulate. They lie and twist the truths. They keep victims in a designed illusionary world. On the other hand, when victim succeeds, they starve themselves and damage their own physical health. They also use their health crisis as means to manipulate victim who is trying to escape or already escaped.

I have seen such people, played victim role in my own life, discovered about what happened with me when I was a victim and cured myself. But I don’t even know what diagnosis suits people with such personality!

I am against the idea of using Social Media !

I am against the idea of using Social Media !

I almost struggled 10 years to make a decision about whether to use social media or not. I created account and deleted it several times due to confusion.  An insight that I got recently helped me in making concrete choice – that I shouldn’t use social media to express myself.

Previously I was confused because I believed that Social Media provides a platform to create and share content. I also believed that I can stay connected to my childhood friends or friends who are away from me and also my extended family. I also liked the features that social media platforms offer for free of cost. They allow us to upload unlimited number of files. Platforms like instagram provides an opportunity to edit photos and add music to videos easily. Tasks that are almost impossible without proper software becomes easy and possible when we use social media platforms.

But still I am not willing to use the social media platforms and benefits that they provide! That is because I realized few things. Relationships and connections that I perceived while spending time on social media are completely fake. For eg. I was seeing all updates of one of my best friend.  It made me feel that we were in touch. But she never calls or talks with me in real life. When we met, she didn’t entertain intellectual discussions. She didn’t share anything with me.  There are some unresolved issues between us. She never tries to address or talk about them. She stops me when I try to talk, by saying that I am giving her stress. That means, she is a person who would choose denial over self awareness. But on social media,  she posts several personal stories and insights. That kept me in an illusion that she is a person who is interested in self exploration.  This is just one example. There is another friend of mine who shares inspiring stories and motivational messages. In real life, she gave up everything! She is so depressed and living life by thinking that nurturing her child is her life purpose. Like that, there are so many examples. Most of the people make posts on social media to strengthen lies that they tell to themselves.

I also figured that I cannot do friendship in real life with more than 70% of people who are my friends on social media. On social media, it is easy to ignore messages that promote or impose denial, theism, irrational beliefs and judgemental nature. But thats impossible in real life.

I felt attacked several times. When I made posts that are not in alignment with socially norms and stereotypes,  I was questioned. More interesting thing is, people never dared to comment on my post publicly. I noticed that all the people who are against me never respond to my posts. But they do read, remember, wait for an opportunity,  when they get chance to talk to me personally, they either question me or they pass on sarcastic comments. However,  I am open to questions.  Only thing that made me bother is their approach and strategy.

I realized that social media cannot act as a platform where 2 people discuss about their ideologies in most of the cases.  Because, both the parties need self esteem and open mind to publicly discuss about something that can negatively affect reputation of both the parites.

Social media platforms provide opportunity to edit photos and add music. But after that, I will not be left with a choice of shifting content to other platform in most of the cases. For eg: if I create a reel, I can’t download it with music. That means, in order to edit my content for free, I have to compromise on freedom of posting my content.  Its like conditional love of a parent who says that he will love his son only if he stays with parents.

Moreover, technical errors and issues never get resolved. No one responds to query msgs. That makes me feel helpless. I lack control on my own content when I upload it on social media. 

Social media creates imbalance between 2 people who are connected.  Even when one person is not interested,  other person can stalk and know what is happening in a friend’s life. Other person can assume that they both are friends and important to each other. In real life, stalking is so difficult and a person has to take several actions to stalk. That needs lots of courage and effort. Even after doing so much, stalker can only see his/her friend or relative or crush or enemy from a distance. On social media,  stalker can stalk anyone just by clicking on profile.

People share only about happy things on social media. They hide their pain, struggles, journey, progress, etc and share about achievements,  happy moments. Where as, in real life if we live with someone in proximity,  we get a chance to see everything happening in their life.

One particular insight helped me in taking decision about whether to be on social media or not. I realized that platform to express and platform to connect can never be same. I only need my own platform to write, post photos, poems, travel videos  experiences, etc. I should be the one and only one important person on this platform. I need more control. I should be able to allow like minded people to view my content if they are interested. 

But me being in relations is different. Both the people in relationship are important. I can discuss about my interests only if other person is interested. I decided that I will handle relations separately,  but not by merging them with my own space. That is when decided that I will stop using social media and start using wordpress and Youtube platforms.