When you break up with someone or if someone close to you dies, you will keep remembering them whenever you see their belongings or patterns.
There is a process called conditioning through which, two unrelated things get linked. Pavlov experimented on dog. He rang the bell always before giving food to dog. So dog got conditioned and paired bell sound with food. So it started salivating, on hearing bell, even though there is no food.
It is so strange that humans also get conditioned to remember person on seeing their belongings. Dont you think that you are superior to pavlov dog?
Break the conditioning pattern by rewriting the memories. Dont remain forever as slaves of conditioning.
Eg: imagine you had a breakup and there is a place which reminds you your ex. Dont run away from place. Instead, rewrite memories by going to place with some other person!
There is a phenomenon called parentification. When parents are dysfunctional due to their own issues, they train children in such a way that child substitutes parents functionality. Parents either reinforces or punishes child to promote behaviours which they want. Parents cannot be blamed for this, as they themselves have issues which caused their dysfunctionality.
Parentified child carries some baggage with her even after becoming an adult.
Takes more responsibility in a relation and thinks that she/he has more control over relation
Has trust issues and keeps worrying about rejection
Thinks that other people who hold normal responsibility are dumb
Keeps falling in trap created by family and contributes to family at the cost of self
Thinks that doing anything for self is wrong
If you are a parentified child, you can come out of the negative impacts that your childhood left on you…
Start experimenting to understand reality…
You think that you have more control over your relation. So try to do something that would give you happyness without fearing about people. People might reject you. That helps you in understanding the fact that you dont hold any control
You stop taking responsibilities for a while and then start learning how to take responsibility and to what extent, purely based on need. When there is need, you start doing things…
Some times you dont understand why you are bothered about someone. Even when you try to stop bothering, you cannot do that. You might think that its your concern. But reason could be something different and weird.
If you copy ideas from someone, you will get shaken when you hear/see something against them. As you dont have your own data, you just try to manipulate yourself. So understanding that they are wrong shakes your life.
Most of the people try to use coping strategies to escape from problems. Coping strategies might include activities ranging from productive tasks such as walking, meditation to maladaptations such as drug addiction.
Some of you might get shocked to know when you get to know that your devotion is something that is similar to drug addiction, you started worshipping God to accept that you lost control over everything in your life. You started feeling relaxed by believing that nothing is in our control.
When you dont deal with the problem, you might feel good for some time. But unsolved problems comes back to you in some other form. Stress might persist thoughout your life and might manifest as illness at some point of your life.
The only way to deal with problem is to face it. Stay with the emotion, try to change the perception, gain insight and find a solution…
Every act of a person depends on his nature and nurture. Nature includes genetic component. Example: genes determine the IQ of a person. Nurture includes culture, society norms and belief systems. Neither nature nor nurture is in the persons hand.
If nothing is in your hands, what are you supposed to do? Idea of determinism is a threat to life. But free will (capacity to make choices) can be earned. You can travel from deterministic chance to choice. By understanding the cause and effect relation patterns and situations, you can free yourself from uncertainity. Failure helps in understanding how to succeed. This travel could be the ultimate purpose not only of human life but also of whole human kind.
Everyone speaks about physical abuse and violence openly. But mental abuse is more dangerous act and no one is aware about it. It happens everywhere and contributes to mental illnesses. Mental abuse includes any activity that provokes negative emotions in someone. The most prominent forms of mental abuse, that exist in society and go unnoticed are bullying, blaming, finding faults, holding control over others decisions, etc…
After you grow up, you become independent. Independence is a state where you will try to understand yoursel better, make your own decisions and solve problems.
Same thing happens when you undergo psychotherapy. You will develop insight, independence and self respect. You might doubt some irrational systems which you had believed earlier, based on rationality.
In this phase, you are trying to liberate yourself just like a bird flying from nest after getting wings. There is a risk at this point. You might get easily trapped into another false belief system. If you are not fully equipped, you might just fly and reach another nest, rather than making your own nest. So you are flying from one nest to other nest, nothing changes in your life. Therefore you should terminate therapy only after building your own nest. That is, only after aquiring independent and rationality.